I am in love.

A sweet little boy with a gentle disposition was welcomed into the world 6 weeks ago. Born into a boisterous extended family, Weston has no shortage of love, encouragement, or cuddles. Not without it’s trials and tribulations, motherhood has changed me for the better. Each day with him is a gift. He is cherished beyond words. I am in love.

No, the title of the post does not reflect a post that will be a thoughtful journey into the importance of family gatherings and memories, blah, blah blah. Instead, you get a short paragraph and a couple of pictures.

We’re in Georgia for the Thanksgiving Holiday. The not-so-simple task of taking our holiday card picture has proved to be quite difficult. Not one picture from the first session is suitable to spread Christmas cheer to our family and friends. It doesn’t help that I still have some pregnancy pounds to lose and my lower face has been taken over by adult acne, and Weston’s eyes were closed and Lucy was not cooperating. Wow, complain much? Hopefully today’s session is much better. At what point did I think taking a picture with a 5/6 week old baby and a hyper dog would be a simple task?

Also, apparently in our subconscious we thought it would be a fabulous idea to recreate the opening scene from the Lion King.

‘Cause, you know, it’s the circle of life.

It is great having him back. What is it about seeing your husband with your child that makes you fall even more in love with him? One of nature’s fantastic things, I suppose. The Colts and Ravens didn’t stand a chance.

In a few short hours, we’re heading to the airport to pick up Clay. The three weeks passed quicker than I thought they would. Isn’t that the story of motherhood?. I couldn’t have done without our families. My sister-in-law Meredith, mother-in-law Judy, my mom, my brother and his fiance, Kelly, all came to visit at some point during my first solo parenting adventure to lend a helping hand. And my sister, Megan, made it as far as the Philadelphia airport before Hurricane Ida cancelled her flight. One of the things that tickles me most is knowing that Weston will grow up with an extended family that loves him and will provide him comfort and support.  Isn’t family wonderful? 

I learned a lot on my own. What better way to document than a list?

• Swaddling is genius. Pure genius. Who says Weston needs use of his arms?
• I don’t know how Heidi Klum is able to walk the Victoria Secret fashion show 6 weeks after giving birth. I have lost weight but let’s not talk about what needs to be toned…I am beyond fearful of having a ‘mom’ body. : )
• Healthy Choice meals are pretty terrible. Is it cardboard? Nope, it is salisbury steak. Yummy? 
• Technology is amazing. Thanks to the wonders of digital photography, Clay will be able to see how much Weston has grown over the past 21 days.
• Roseanne reruns on TV Land get me through the middle of the night feedings. Oh that Jackie.
• Lucy is a wonderful big sister. She does not rest until she knows that Weston is safe and comfortable.

The number one thing I have learned? That I can do this. I will make it through the deployment just fine. 2010 will be a good year.

My routine has changed with the introduction of Weston. I used to get up feeling rested, brew a pot of coffee using two hands, and sit down to read the gibillion blogs I have bookmarked. I now wake up wanting more sleep, brew a pot of coffee only if I remember, and try to read said blogs whenever I get a free moment. I am tired.  It is during these periods of exhaustion that I sometimes forget just how lucky I am to have the opportunity to experience Weston and all of the trials and tribulations that accompany motherhood.

In fact, it was while reading a post on another military wife blog that I realized how soon I forgot about Sara Sullivan. I first learned of her passing on an online message board I frequent. A lovely military couple, her suffering from breast cancer. She died shortly after giving birth to their daughter. It was while combing through The Sullivan’s archives that I learned of Katie Friedman, a mom who died during the birth of her second child. Glance at my blogroll and you will find the blog of Matt, Liz, and Madeline. Matt chronicles his experience as a single father, raising his daughter alone after his beloved wife died after an emergency c-section. Sarah, Katie, and Liz are not experiencing their children the way I get to hold, kiss, and cuddle Weston. Rather, they’re watching from above, loving their children in ways that are not of this world and unknown to me. Along with the mothers who pass too soon, there are millions of women suffering from infertility, desperately wanting a child of their own. And here I am, one of the lucky ones.

Life is not fair. I first began to cry due to frustration and exhaustion. Weston was crying and I didn’t know how to help him. After revisiting the stories above, I continued to cry for the opportunity and the gift of my son. It is so easy to get wrapped up in not-so-pleasant aspects of caring for a newborn (I know I am guilty). Every so often I need a reminder of just how lucky I am.

29 days old. Can you believe it? I can’t.

• I sometimes secretly wish I were Canadian. I think I miss living in northern New York due to it’s proximity to the True North.
• Brad Roberts’ voice makes my stomach flutter. The United States needs more Crash Test Dummies. Yet another reason why Canada is just peachy.
• I had never heard the term nipple confusion until I became a mother.
• I change the channel when The Human Society of the United States commercials appear on the television. I can watch Law and Order SVU with a stoic expression but can’t handle abused animals with Sarah Mclachlan for background music.
• To the North Carolinians who breakout the North Face jackets and Uggs when the temperature drops to 50 degrees, you look ridiculous. Stop it.
• What ever happened to Harold Faltermeyer? I wore out my Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack tape because Axel F was the most glorious noise to my young ears.
• What kind of word is discombobulated?

When we first announced our pregnancy, Clay’s parents asked if we were interested in using the family cradle. Always one for history, we accepted their offer. The cradle came to be in 1883, with a father building the cradle for his daughter. Sarah was the first to sleep in the family heirloom with many kin to follow. To document all the babies that have graced the cradle, name plates line the border. I think they only add to the charm of the piece, for they tell the story of my mother-in-law’s family.

Sarah in 1883, William Jr. in 1885, and Charles in 1889 begin the story.

…and Madison in 2005, Luke in 2007, Alex in 2009, and our little Weston continue to tell the family story. And a what a sweet story it is.

As the deployment approaches, I can’t help but reflect back on the last one. The girls were my rock. A source of laughter, a shoulder to cry on, and an ear that truly understood exactly what I was feeling. I think of how I met each one of the girls and how she helped shape the stronger woman I am today. We’re now spread throughout the country but I know they will help me through this next deployment and all of the trials and tribulations I may experience in the years to come. In the words of Law and Order…these are their stories.

How I Met Jackie.

We first met February 2005 when I flew up to Ft. Drum for the weekend to spend time with my husband. Nothing screams “we’re a military family” than living apart your first 6 months of marriage because you need to finish your senior year of college. Yes, we got married when I was still in college. And I wasn’t even knocked up! Anyways, I ventured up north to attend a Hail and Farewell. A long standing tradition in the Army, a Hail and Farewell is a social gathering to bid farewell to the outgoing officers and NCO’s and hail the incoming personnel. Spouses are traditionally given a rose upon being hailed or farewelled. Still following? Great.

The Hail and Farewell where I met Jackie was held at a bowling alley. Classy right? Nothing says “welcome to the unit” than stale nachos, warm beer, and smelly shoes in a not-so-good part of Watertown, NY. This was my first official Army-related event. It was nothing like the ROTC mandatory fun we experienced in college, these were men that would serve alongside Clay in war and women I was encouraged to befriend. Jackie’s husband, Aaron, was one of the first members of the unit Clay met. He spotted him at a bowling lane and led my hand over them. We introduced ourselves to Jackie (and me to Aaron) and went about our individual ways.

A half hour later, it was time for the ‘formal’ part of the event. We were shuttled into the arcade/snack bar portion of the alley (again, classy) and the late LTC Fenty began the ceremony. It was at that time that Clay informed me that I would be formally recognized and gifted a rose because I was not present for his hailing a couple of months prior. What? I don’t even know these people. I silently cursed Clay for not giving me adequate warning that in a couple of moments, all eyes would be on me, taking a rose from the commanders wife.  A cold sweat overcame my body and I started to shrink back into the shadows located between Mrs. Pac Man and Street Fighter. Jackie was standing next to me and reassured me that it wouldn’t be bad. You see, I wasn’t always the most confident in new social situations. Jackie is the opposite. I survived but the rose did not. I forgot it in the car and it died a fast death in the sub-zer0 weather. 

Fast forward to August. Clay excitedly called me to say that Aaron and Jackie bought a chocolate lab from a local breeder and there were still some left in the litter. We had been discussing getting a dog for quite some time and recently decided that a lab would be the best fit for our lifestyle. That evening, we ventured to the breeder and brought our Lucy home with us. I now had a bond with the girl I met in the shady bowling alley, our dogs were brother and sister. I saw Jackie again that November at the promotion ceremony. Clay and Aaron were received their first promotion and invited us out to dinner. We eagerly accepted their offer. However, in true Army fashion, Clay was pulled into a meeting and we were unable to meet them for dinner.

In January, at the predeployment briefing, Jackie and I said hi again and (I think) exchanged phone numbers/email. We made a promise to meet soon, after the guys left. Jackie was true to her promise and invited me out with a group of girls to a Valentine’s Day dinner.  I excitedly accepted and asked if I could bring along a girl I just met. Her boyfriend deployed with our husbands and I knew she was going to be alone. Jackie, being the kind-hearted person she is, said, “of course.” Isn’t she great?

The dinner was fabulous, we ate at Tin Pan Galley, and I met Fran and Christie for the first time that night. The only negative aspect of the evening was the girl I brought along. That is what I get for trying to be nice. She dominated the conversation and came across as stuck-up and condescending. I found at later that she cheated on her deployed boyfriend with her personal trainer so I didn’t feel bad for never calling her again. I doubt my cold shoulder drove her into the arms of another man but I do wonder at times where she is today. If anything, I hope she is toned.

After the Valentine’s Day dinner, Jackie, Fran, Christie and I started to get together more often and before we knew it, a lifelong friendship was born. Erin and Briana were soon added to the group. Many hours were spent shopping, eating, traveling, and just talking around the fire pit in Fran’s backyard. During the deployment I learned a lot from Jackie. The most important lesson being not to dwell on misfortunes and to play the hand you were dealt with, no matter how poor the cards seem to be. The deployment gave Jackie a new kidney and (literally) a new lease on life. The deployment gave me inspiration in the form of a friend whose heart is two times the size of mine. Thank you Jackie. 

Check out her blog. She has become quite the photographer and using her skills to document her experience in Alaska. More How I Met stories to come…

This morning, while watching a news feature about Veterans Day, I realized that Clay has never been home on this said day. Either deployed, TDY, or in the field, Clay has never been able to take advantage of a 3 or 4 day weekend bestowed upon him by the military. Ironic, don’t you think? Woodrow Wilson first declared November 11th Armistice Day in 1919, in remembrance of the end of World War 1 in 1918. In 1954, Dwight Eisenhower signed the bill marking November 11th Veterans Day. Some people (especially those with state and federal jobs) view the day as simply a day off work. However, with our country deeply entrenched in two wars, many people use the day to recognize and remember those who currently serve and have served in wars past. A quick look on your Facebook News Feed will show multiple status messages thanking a veteran. I like that.

With Obama currently weighing the options for US involvement in Afghanistan, I can’t help but wonder if there will ever be a day of remembrance to mark the end of the Iraq War or the Afghanistan War. What will be the legacy of the generation that is fighting the so-called War on Terror? With Clay being a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom VII and VIII and soon to be whatever number they’re on now, our family has a personal attachment to the said war. Back in 2006 and 2007, Afghanistan was often considered the ‘forgotten war’ with Iraq garnering the majority of air time. I remember feeling so frustrated when people would offer, “at least he is not in Iraq” when finding out my husband was deployed. Now the tables are turned and the war in Iraq is losing air time. What about the troops still in Iraq? Are family members being told, “at least he/she isn’t in Afghanistan”? A simple look at the DoD Press Releases indicates that troops are dying in both Iraq and Afghanistan. How will they be remembered 50 years from now?

Is there an end in sight? Eight years and still going. There is no need to point out the growing political strife in our country. Granted, I have only been around since 1983 but the discord between the red and blue is alarming. While I am thankful for the amenities provided to me simply because I am a US citizen, I admit that a private tropical island is looking quite nice right about now. I am tired of being represented by those put in place (by us!) simply because they can afford the strenuous financial strain of a campaign and are good at kissing ass. Maybe I should run…I can start with the PTA (*wink). I don’t know what the answer is for Iraq or Afghanistan or Iran or any other country with a leader that is bat-shit crazy. I just hope that the Iraq and Afghanistan veterans are remembered and thanked for their service, regardless of one’s personal stance on the wars.

Happy Veterans Day. Especially to my husband. I feel his sacrifice every time I snap a picture of Weston, hoping to capture what Clay is missing so he can experience the growth of our son after the fact. A sacrifice that is worth it, for Weston will grow up knowing his father is one of the willing to serve in an all-volunteer military. For him. For us. For the United States.